


darken my door

by shslprisoner



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, anyways enough tag ramblin, anyways uhhhh, i wrote this like a month ago??? instead of doing work??????, its dirkjake bc im weak As Hell, just know., sorta a rebirth thing??, this was supposed 2 be a oneshot and im Die
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-01-17 02:42:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12355806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shslprisoner/pseuds/shslprisoner
Summary: You can't remember what your friend's chumhandles were. You ask after Jane, tell her that you were sorry for what happened, thank her for her help in that final fight. You think it might be Roxy, but the typing style just isn't the same. You tell her that you hope she's found Calliope, and that she was so brave to even go near the Batterwitch, just in case.You decide not to think about it being the boy with the sword./ a dirkjake fic about finding something that you forgot you lost. heavily inspired by Be My Boyfriend (I'll Pay You).





	1. Seesaw

Your name is Jake English and you are 26 when you receive the first text.

It reads "Do you have any memories of one Dirk Strider?" and you are absolutely befuddled.

You recognize the name. You haven't ever met anyone named Dirk Strider but you recognize the name.

You start having dreams. You don't remember much, but some things fall into place. A lady with a red tiara, a robot, a grey alien with blue glasses. You remember a boy with spiky hair and a sword and funny glasses that you never get to look behind.

You get another text precisely two years later. It reads "Do remember Tavros?" and this time you respond.

GT: Yes i do indeedy!

GT: He was that charming chap with the peculiar ghost tail i think.

GT: Why do you ask?

"TT" doesn't respond.

You can't remember what your friend's chumhandles were. You ask after Jane, tell her that you were sorry for what happened, thank her for her help in that final fight. You think it might be Roxy, but the typing style just isn't the same. You tell her that you hope she's found Calliope, and that she was so brave to even go near the Batterwitch, just in case.

You decide not to think about it being the boy with the sword.

The next night, you have an incredibly vivid dream about what happened after Jane captured you and you wish you hadn't remembered. You mentally retract some of your messages.

Year after next, the text is "Who do you think I am?" and you run through your mental list of people it could be. You cross most of them of due to the cryptic nature of the messages.

GT: Rose maybe?

GT: I dont think youre one of the trolls because you dont have a typing quirk but kanaya is also an option

GT: I didnt really know much about either of them but i hope they find each other!

TT: I am neither Rose nor Kanaya.

TT: As far as I am aware, Rose is still in grade school.

You stop and stare at the tangerine words in front of you. Who ever it is, they've never responded to any of your other texts. Before you can get another word in, two more messages pop up on your phone screen.

TT: I am not Tavros, Jane, Jade, or Roxy, either.

TT: I am surprised you have not guessed it by now.

TT: Maybe you don't remember me after all.

If you weren't sitting down before, you are now, so you take a seat in the dry grass outside your shack and try to think of a way to respond. It couldn't be Auto Responder, could it? You don't think there's tech that advanced, but if anyone was going to build it...

GT: You arent the auto responder, correct?

TT: If I were AR, I wouldn't even consider contacting you of all people.

GT: Then who in the dickens are you?!

[ TT is an idle chum! ]

GT: Sigh.

That night you have the dream where AR tries to tell you to kiss someone. It's the boy in the funny glasses. His head rest in your hands, staring at you with vacant eyes. The neck is bleeding, and bleeding, and you feel like you’re going to throw up, and AR just keeps telling you to kiss this head and you don't know why and you want to go home. The glasses remain in place and it only makes you sicker.

You still can't remember his name.

The same day, two years later, you sit inside all day instead of doing any work and wait for a message. One never comes.

You start to get back more memories of the man in anime shades. Tomb raids, adventures. In one of them he holds your hand all through a dungeon and it's the first time you see him smile.

Just to be fair, you decide to wait another year before messaging TT again. That idea lasts about a month and you cave sometime in July.

\--golgothasTerror [GA] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]--

GT: Excuse me but you are the one who has been pestering me about the game, right?

GT: I think i know who you are!

TT: Who is this?

TT: What game?

GT: Oh!

GT: Please excuse me i think i've jumbled something up

GT: My name is jake!

TT: Pleased to meet you, Jake.

TT: My name is Rose.

GT: Wait...

GT: You arent rose LALONDE, are you?

TT: ...Yes.

TT: I am.

GT: You wouldnt happen to have a sister named roxy would you??

She doesn't respond and you think she blocked you.

You try your second guess.

\--golgothasTerror [GA] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]--

GT: Excuse me, but are you the chap whos been bothering me about the game?

TG: what game dude

GT: Sburb

TG: nah

TG: just some guy

GT: Well thank you for your time good sir!

GT: If you see a roxy lalonde or a jane crocker tell them that their old mate jake sure misses them

TG: i'll tell rox the next time i visit her grave i guess

TG: i walk up and im like yea one of your "mates" texted me on accident the other day lol

TG: roxy returns from the dead to be like "oh ya jake?? he was hat"

TG: "*hit"

TG: "*honk"

TG: "*lmao i'm a juggalo" or some shit

TG: then she just sinks back into her grave like i didn't necromancy her ass back into my plane of life

TG: you one of her drinking buddies or somethin

GT: Roxys dead

GT: I have to tell anime shades boy

TG: oh you mean my bro

GT: ...This is dave isnt it

TG: sure is buddy

GT: Of course

GT: Could you tell me his chumhandle?

TG: timaeusTestified

GT: Thank you so much!

\--golgothasTerror [GT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]--

TG: wait are you a friend of dirks or

TG: fuck

TG: hope i didn't give his number to a stalker or some shit lmao

\--turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]--

In your shock induced rush, you don't really pause to think about what you’re doing. Maybe this isn’t a good decision, maybe you should wait until you know the guy’s name at least. Neither of these questions occur to you and you immediately start messaging anime shades dude.

\--golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]--

TT: Holy shit

GT: Holy shit!

TT: Holy fucking shit Jake how did you get my chum handle.

GT: GADZOOKS ANIME BOY ROXY IS DEAD AND NOBODY TOLD ME!!!

TT: Oh

TT: Yeah.

TT: Car crash.

TT: A genius brain doesn’t save you from the repercussions of driving intoxicated.

GT: Why do you know this but i dont?!

TT: You think I wouldn’t know if my own sister died?

GT: Sister?!

TT: Jake, how did you get my handle.

 

GT: Dave.

TT: That little shit, he’ll be getting a talking to for this.

GT: Wait a second

GT: Youre the chap whos been talking to be about the game!!!

TT: ....

TT: Fuck.

GT: I found you mysterious messenger! i know who you are!

GT: It was anime shades boy this whole time i should have known

TT: Did you just call me anime shades boy.

GT: ...Yes.

TT: You don’t remember my name, do you.

TT: Of course you don’t.

TT: Why would you, we just knew each other our entire lives. Not like we dated and I ruined it and you went trickster and we broke up and fought monsters and killed the bad guys and created a universe.

TT: Fuck I’m overloading onto you

TT: You shouldn’t be absorbing this information I’m going to hurt your brain.

TT: Forget I ever said anything.

GT: ...We dated?

TT: You seriously forgot that we dated.

GT: So we dated.

TT: Yes, Jake, we dated.

GT: Wow.

GT: That sure explains a lot.

TT: Sometimes I wonder why I like you.

GT: Its my charming gentleman’s personality! ;)

TT: Also your ass, from what I can remember.

GT: Fair.

GT: Im...

GT: Gonna go rest.

GT: This was a lot to take in for one day!

GT: Ill text you again some time

TT: If you want to I’m not stopping you.

TT: Goodnight, Jake.

GT: G’night.

\--golgothasTerror [GT] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]--

TT: I missed this.

\--timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]--

Your name is Jake English and you are 32 when you first contact Dirk Strider, even though you have no clue that’s his name.


	2. Ophelia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prospit is beautiful in a way that Derse simply isn’t. It’s shining buildings and streets of gold, it resembles something out of a fairytale, an El Dorado of sorts. A perfect, beautiful city, flawless and perfect in every way. It hurts your eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- me? POSTING DIRKJAKE? unrealistic. blocked
> 
> \- i dont think i ever mentioned it but a big inspiration for this fic was the song ophelia by the band! its good [listen to it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJp0CzMYY_w)
> 
> \- so i mention dirk being neglectful in this chapter and id just like to say that this is an over exaggeration on dirk's part based around his guilt for the actions of his alternate self. i just. wanted to say this bc dirk is Like That and also as a warning that dirk mentions child neglect in this chap
> 
> \- sorry for not posting in like 5 months lol but it be like that

Your name is Dirk Strider and you are 33 when Jake contacts you. The conversation isn’t long, but you leave emotionally drained. You have a 13 year old son named Dave, and right now, you are going to give him a talking to.

 

Your apartment is weird. It feels the same as the one you had in the alpha timeline, you guess, though you don’t love to think about that version of you. You are uncomfortably similar and only grow more so as the years drag on. The puppet porn, the douchebaggery, the mild neglect. You recognize it. You don’t try to fix it but hey, you know your flaws. You walk up to Dave’s room and stand in the doorway without saying anything. He spots you out of the corner of his eye and visibly tenses, but doesn't say anything. He turns off his computer and swivels in his chair to face you. 

 

“You gave my chum handle to someone you didn’t know.” You don’t phrase it as a question because it isn’t one. He shrugs.

 

“He apparently knew Roxy, so what harm could it do. You could have just blocked him,” Dave replies and you suppose he's right but who the fuck cares.

 

“Yeah, well, half the town knows Roxy. You’re lucky it was someone I knew as well.” You cross your arms and lean against the door frame.

 

“He called you anime shades boy. He was obviously talking about you.” You make a move to adjust your glasses. You stop but Dave already noticed and he smirks. “What, one of your exes?”

 

You sigh, “Something along those lines,” and flashstep to the kitchen. You grab a soda from the fridge, crack it open, and collapse onto the couch.

 

Holy shit. Jake English just pestered you. He also doesn’t know your fucking name. He also probably hates you by now. You teased him for 8 years with bits of information trying to lure his memories and as soon as he says anything you unload so much information on him that you were withholding. You have no self control. You slump further in your seat and try to think of something else.

 

Jane. Jade? John. Uh. Jake. Fuck you don’t have anything to think about.

 

You finish off the soda in a single swig and set it on the ground. You walk to your room and shut your door loud enough that even Dave is aware you’re in a piss-poor mood. You flop onto your bed and stare at the ceiling through the tinted glass of your shades. Sleep isn’t going to come easy tonight but god you wish it would. 

 

You hoist yourself up and slide open your bedside drawer; the contents being sleeping pills and sewing needles. Also a half empty bottle of lube that hasn't been opened in 14 years minimum. You choose the sleeping pills today, and pop a couple in your mouth. Maybe they’ll work.

 

They do and you pass out after thinking about your tomb raiding days for another half an hour. 

 

Today’s dream is of Derse. Again. It looks like you have to rescue Roxy. Again. You decide to do it tomorrow night. 

 

You float out of your blood red room and out above the city. It’s the same as it was when you first woke up there, obsidian streets, violet towers. Apparently this new universe decided having a bunch of chess folk wandering around dreamland was a good idea, even though it's highly unlikely the game will come to pass again. You are so consumed in your own thoughts you hardly try to make a show of pretending to be asleep. You have somewhere to be. The citizens point and stare as their prince flies straight off the planet. 

 

Prospit comes into view after a while, it’s towers glittering. You fly towards the one you know that Jake is in. You know it’s a foolish hope, but maybe, just maybe, he woke up. You perch upon his windowsill. You make yourself comfortable staring out at the city. He shifts in his bed but you don’t glance behind you.

 

Prospit is beautiful in a way that Derse simply isn’t. It’s shining buildings and streets of gold, it resembles something out of a fairytale, an El Dorado of sorts. A perfect, beautiful city, flawless and perfect in every way. It hurts your eyes. 

 

You exhale heavily and switch into your god tier clothes. You feel less out of place this way, no longer dressed like the prince of an enemy country that you are. There’s a slight breeze, and your legs are chilly. Curse these poofy asshole pants.

 

While you were busy thinking about your dumb pants, someone had appeared beside you.

 

Jane lays a hand on your shoulder and you lean into her. Neither of you say anything about why you’re here. You don’t know if Jane is alive or dead, and neither does she. Roxy’s still in this limbo dream land, and Jane doesn't remember what happens when she’s awake, so there’s no way of knowing. Jake continues to stir in his sleep behind you and you shut your eyes. 

 

You don’t know how to tell Jane that Jake found you.

 

She must sense something is wrong. “Lesbian powers,” Dave would say. She rubs your shoulder.

 

“Anything going on, Dirk?” she asks and you open your eyes again. She’s sitting next to you, facing you, her glasses glinting in the sun.

 

You turn your head to look at her head on. “Jake pestered me today.” She blinks and a sad smile quickly replaces the look of shock on her face.

 

“He found you out, then?” she says. It’s not really a question. You shrug and she slides her arm over your hunched shoulders. Her hair is graying and she has smile lines on her face. You both are so different from when you started playing the game. You lay your head on her shoulder.

 

You never answer her and simply sit in comfortable silence for the remainder of the night. You know it's been an hour or so and you tell her it's time for you to wake up. Derse is cold compared to Prospit, but it’s home. 

 

Roxy is floating contentedly by her tower for now, and you decide that you’ve been asleep for long enough. You clamber through the window and lay in your bed. You’re already asleep.

 

When you wake up it’s been a few hours. It is currently two in the morning and you don't know why you bother trying to get any sleep. 

 

* * *

 

Your name is Jake English and you are sitting at your computer. It has been two days since your first message to that boy and you’ve gotten nothing done since. No hunting, no adventuring, no sharp shooting. This has to be just about the worst week of your life. Besides the week right after Gramma Jane died. Nothing will ever top that on the worst weeks chart. 

 

You mope around and consider pestering TT (Timaeus? Shades boy,) but think better of it. You’re still processing all the stuff he said. You flop back heavily into your chair and end up tipping it over and hitting your head on the carpet pretty hard. Fuck. 

In your mildly concussed state, you decide to lay down. A pretty poor decision while concussed, in actuality, but that’s not stopping you. You snuggle down beneath your comforter and stare at the ceiling. Sleep does not come easy, but eventually you drift off into slumber on your green carpeted bedroom floor. 

 

When you open your eyes, it’s in a familiar yellow room. You rub at your eyes and reach for your glasses, snatching them off the bedside table and sitting up. In a huge bed. That isn't your bed. After a momentary freak out, you realize you're probably dreaming and not in some strangers unusually bright bedroom. 

 

As you blearily gaze around the room, you spy a figure sitting on your windowsill. A figure you recognize.

 

Jane practically tackles you, knocking you onto the plush comforter you still have yet to escape. She hugs you with a force you didn't think possible for a woman her age. You hug her back even harder. She finally pushes you away and grins and blinks back tears, and it's all you can do not to sniffle and weep right on the spot.

 

She grips your shoulders and says simply, “You're awake.” You nod and smile and she hugs you again.

 

“I missed you,” You tell her. She shakes her head fondly and your shoulder is wet and her shoulder is wet and everyone is crying. Even the possible clown you think might live in your closet. He’s crying too.

 

Jane pulls back again. “I can’t believe it. You've been asleep for… for forever! How do I know this isn't a dream within a dream?” She sighs, voice cracking. 

 

“It's not a dream,” you proclaim. “Well, technically it is I suppose, but I’m awake here. I think.” You scratch the back of your head sheepishly. You’re still not really all that sure where you are. Maybe this is a dream. But this… this is Prospit, right? So you are dreaming, but so is everyone else here. Ugh, you don't want to think about this.

 

“Well I should hope so, buster! You've missed so much in your nap, I have to get you caught up!” Jane grins. You grimace. Looks like you're in for a lecture on the ins and outs of the new Prospit. Jane seems to notice and her smile wilts a bit. “Or not. I think I know who you really came here to see.

 

She practically hauls you out of bed (when did Jane get this strong?) and out the window. It takes you a second to remember that yes, you can fly, so you clutch to Jane like a barnacle before hesitantly letting go to toe at the air below you. She grabs your hand and drags you to a tower nearby. In the blur of scenery, you see an out of place maroon figure flying away and for a moment you can almost remember just who that is, the bleach blonde hair, the poofy pants. The name is on the tip of your tongue but before you can say anything you're in a golden tower. 

 

Inside of the mainly peach and pink room, an elderly woman clothed in a yellow sundress stood by several hanging plants. Her long white hair swayed as she hummed a tune. You know who it is immediately. 

 

As she turns to face the window, she starts to speak. “Jane, is that you? If you’re looking for D-” You cut her off before she could finish. Your embrace is desperate, as if letting go of the heighty woman in front of you would make her disappear. She stumbled backwards into a… was that a plush octopus? Didn’t matter. She was here.

 

Jade didn’t hug you back at first but as soon as she realized that it was her grandson clinging to her, she grabbed you just as desperately. 

 

Sobs echoed through the room at the reunion, so long in the making as it was. It seemed that was what was to become of this day, crying and laughing and loving. God, how you love these women.

 

“Jake, Jake! You’re awake!” Jade exclaims, face tear stained and grin wider than he’d ever seen. “It’s b-been so long.”

 

“14 years doesn’t pass fast, huh?” You say with a jaunt to your tone that you hope will cover up how bittersweet this meeting is. 

 

“Sure doesn’t,” She sniffs, wiping her eyes. Jane gives you a tender smile over you Grandmother’s shoulder. You don’t know if you have any more tears left in you.

 

You spend the rest of the afternoon with Jade and Jane. They ask you about what’s going on in the outside world because apparently “No one else tells us and we need to find out somehow! Those strider boys certainly aren’t going to reveal anything.” You don’t think a 13 year old’s testimony would be worth much anyways. You tell them about politics, about new advancements in space travel, about all of the amazing tech that’s been developed. Jade makes a snide remark that the world is nearly catching up to Skaia Tech, but you know that’s not true. This world isn’t ever going to reach that level, and if they do, you won’t be around to see it.

 

Speaking of, Jane might be dead. She doesn’t know. She doesn’t remember. She doesn’t remember anything. That gate, the frog, the light and hope that finally they’d reach paradise, that this game would end, and then just… nothing. 

 

You’re scared of what that means. You put it out of your mind.

 

Jade has been building. Working. Getting Prospit back on its feet. She’s built quite the reputation for herself. She says she doesn’t know where the trolls are, or if they even go here in their dreams, but she’s working as hard as she can to find them at Rose’s request.

 

You ask about the sprites. She laughs. They were never here. There’s something in her eyes that makes you think that maybe you shouldn’t have asked.

 

Apparently, John isn’t here. They don’t know why. You wish you could say you really cared all that much.

 

Eventually, you think it might be about time for you to wake up. Jane flies you back to your tower. You exchange goodbyes. You settle into bed.

 

You think you’re asleep when you hear a thump against your window sill. You don’t move. A sigh. Footsteps. A hand on your shoulder. 

 

“Oh, Jake. I’m so fucking sorry. Wish you’d wake up.” The voice is so familiar. There’s a hint of the rosewood homelyness that Jane carries, and something in there that makes you think this guy is from out of town, but for the most part the voice is shiny steel and heat. The intruder sits down on your bed. A hand wandering upwards to fix your hair and your breath catches in your throat. He must notice because the hand pauses, so you even out your breathing again desperately hope that whoever he is doesn’t realize you’re awake. 

 

You try to will yourself asleep. He stays at your side. You don’t open your eyes to see who it is. You’re scared you’ll recognize him. You’re scared you’ll know him. You’re scared because you already know who is whispering “I love you,” into the stale air of a bedroom that he thinks you’ve never moved from.

 

You fall asleep, or something close to it, after what must have been a thousand years. In your sleep-addled brain, something clicks. Or, as you decide later on, breaks. You shift your hand on top of his as a sort of last act of comfort before you truly leave.

 

You can hear his gasp of “Jake? Jake, did you wake up? Can you hear me?” He’s quite but it’s no question that he’s frantic. “It’s me, please Jake, it’s me. It’s D-” and your brain decides that it’s a fantastic time to conk out once in for all.

 

It’s black, then you’re back in your own bed. You have a sinking feeling in your stomach.

 

* * *

 

Your name is Dirk Strider and you have no fucking clue what just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- hope you enjoyed!
> 
> \- there should be like maybe 2 more chapters idk? or maybe ill just never update it but weeeeeeeee'll see!
> 
> \- drop a comment if you want to. or if you dont. i am forcing you to drop that comment i dont trust you to hold it young man

**Author's Note:**

> \- hey the fucks up broskis my names jude n this is my BAD FANFIC thanks 4 stoppin in
> 
> \- so uh! this work isnt all the way done but i have the next couple chapters planned out i guess? or at least a vague idea lmao
> 
> \- find me on tumblr/twitter @ shslprisoner
> 
> \- hate it? love it? did i make 17 grammatical errors? drop a comment man


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